Week 42: Hey, It Could Be Worse


1. A TV docudrama starring Macaulay Culkin as Jesus Christ.

2. Okay, you are at a party, talking to someone whose name you have forgotten, and someone else comes up, and, like, it's incredibly obvious you have to introduce them, and just then a disgruntled postal worker blows the three of you away with an AK-47. 

3. Being slapped to death by Zsa Zsa Gabor.

4. Having to eat all your meals for the remainder of your life while seated on the toilet at New Jersey Turnpike rest stops.

This Week's Contest: Things that are worse than the Washington Redskins.

We admit we put this contest off for weeks, long after it became not only justifiable but imperative, because the First Rule of Sniveling Journalism is not to make fun of something about which people care deeply. (For example, you will probably not see a contest anytime soon on "What God Looks Like," however good an idea it might be.) Alas, though, this past weekend the Skins forced our hands. So, cheer up, Washington. The local football team may be bad, but there are worse things in life. Just tell us what they are. Grand prize winner receives two tickets to a Redskin game next year. First runner-up receives four tickets. Other runners-up, as always, get the coveted Style Invitational losers' T-shirts. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week 42, The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, or fax them to 202-334-4312. Entries must be received on or before Monday, Dec. 27. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced in three weeks. No purchase necessary. Employees of The Washington Post and their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.

Report from Week 39, in which you were asked to come up with new, hip colors for Crayola Crayons.

Fifth Runner-Up: You'll Never Take Me Alive Copper -- Description: The color of a dirty rat. (Tom Criss, Dayton, Md.; also, Dave Ferry, Leesburg)

Fourth Runner-Up: Kevorkian -- Description: A bright, light white. (Linda K. Malcolm, Silver Spring)

Third Runner-Up: Oxymaroon -- Description: A perky brown. (Gina Morgan, Falls Church; also, Mike Thring, Leesburg)

Second Runner-Up: Rainbow -- Description: Black. (Douglas Olson, Beltsville; also, Henry Lynton, Arlington, and Richard J. Swanson, Mount Airy)

First Runner-Up: I Can't Believe It's Not Buttafuoco -- Description: The color and oily texture of rancid margarine. (Kelly A. Lindner, Washington)

And the winner of the giant Crayola Crayon, printed with the name of his color:

Govern Mint -- Description: Please refer to specification Mil-Q-17983245, Rev. G, w/Appendix J, which details the hue, tone, shade, tolerance, refraction, reflection, intensity and brilliance of this color. (Paul Styrene, Olney)

Honorable Mentions: Acapulco Gold -- Like, any color you want, man. (Stacey Carter, Arlington)

Packwood -- Just a touch of flesh. (Stu Segal, Vienna)

Trash White -- A very common shade of white. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Aqua Velva Blue -- Usually used in combination with Trash White. (Cindi Rae Caron, Lenoir, N.C.)

Vanna White -- Not too bright, but still shows up. (Abbie Thompson, Silver Spring)

Cincinnati Red -- Multicolored, with a white flaky head. (Steven King, Alexandria)

Rust Limbaugh -- A big fat crayon with no point, but very colorful. (Lowell Feld, Arlington)

Does This Look Infected Pink -- Pink with a trace of red. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Ed Rollins -- Toast. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Where's William Kennedy Smith? -- Cinnabar, usually. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Petit-Bone -- Very pale. Soon to be discontinued. (Tom Lehker, Silver Spring; also, Steve Shearer, Alexandria)

Redskin -- Mud. (Linda Sheffield Miller, New Market)

Salmon-ella -- Sickening Pink. (Frank Byrne, Springfield)

Off Gray -- The color of the television screen when not on. (Theresa A. Bowen, Selinsgrove, Pa.)

Black Thing -- I could describe it, but you wouldn't understand. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Next Week: Not Wrong, Just Incorrect.